I had such high aspirations about kicking all my kids out of my house to play and then it rained… for forty days and forty nights. So much for that resolution. Instead, we were forced to batten down the hatches and play inside. Therefore, I am writing this while I play Settlers of Cataan. The reason I can write and play this game is that some people, who shall not be named, take forever on their turn. Can we please plan ahead, people? You know your turn is coming so be ready!
It is Sunday night and Sunday night at our house is family night. Don't mess with it. Don't make plans. Don't invite anyone over. Sunday is just for our family. When our kids were younger it was an informal park night or pizza and movie night, but as they got older and involved in sports and dating, it became necessary to dedicate one night a week to the family.
Family night shall not be confused with ice cream night which occurs on Tuesdays when Baskin-Robbins has dollar scoops. Tuesday is not mandatory, but strangely, most of our kids find time in their busy schedules to attend. Weird. This should also not be confused with Friday night which is pizza night. You know the night where we all relax and unwind after a long week—except mom who spends 3 hours making dough and assembling pizzas.
Some family nights start with a meeting. We might go over important news stories, new family rules, or interesting articles we have read. We talk about a lot of different things. Sometimes we talk about why mom is annoyed. This is usually related to laundry, bathrooms or food. These things always find a way to be undone, dirty or eaten. Take your pick. Besides undone chores, this would be the time we talk about anything that we want our kids to know from drugs (avoid) to morals (learn them) to caution (exercise it). One thing I am certain of is that if you do not tell your kids that something is not okay, someone else will tell them it is. Your kids need to know what your family expects of them and what your family stands for.
One way to do this is to have the whole family come together and write a mission statement. A mission statement will contain the rules and guidelines of your family and will also let them know the kind of person you expect them to be. Don't be afraid to be a parent. Kids need parents. In fact, I think it should be mandatory. This is a good time to establish the consequences for broken rules as well. That way there is never any doubt.
Family night is not all about talking, in fact, it is mostly about fun. We usually just spend time together and play. Because we have such different age ranges, from two to seventeen years old, we try to do some activities that are about teamwork. That way the younger kids feel some success playing and the older kids learn patience---well, patience is the goal anyway, but most teens in my family could work on that particular trait. You know who you are! Some of the games are educational and some games are just fun.
Teamwork building games include baseball, football, Pictionary and Cranium. Educational games are Scrabble, Trivial Pursuit and the just for fun games are Settlers of Cataan, Karaoke, Hide and Seek, Apples to Apples, Skip Bo and Yahtzee.
I stole this idea from a movie; you make a copy of a crossword puzzle and give one to each team. The first team to finish the puzzle wins. Another game I love is Scrabble but it is too long and slow for most kids and hard to play with a lot of people. To spice it up, a fun thing to play is speed scrabble where everyone plays at the same time without a board.
When it is nice outside, we play baseball, football or hide and seek. While I am sure that these games are safe for the average family, I have to say that some of our best emergency room visits have occurred on family night. Usually it is dad who needs a trauma specialist. I am not sure if we are too rough or if possibly he plays harder and more seriously than anyone else in the family. Some people can be so competitive.
Family night can be anything you want it to be. Use the time to talk to your kids, but also use it to play with them. It seems in this modern world we are so busy with all the running around we don’t have much time to just be. We don't even have time to eat together anymore.
Isn't it ironic that kids are so busy playing that they don't have time to play? How are kids going to know what is really important if we don't spend some time telling and showing them. We spend so much time catering to kids individually that they need to know it is not all about them. It is also about their place and importance within our family. They are a part of the best team---the family.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Play Outside
When I was a kid my mom did not let us play in the house. Well, she did but only if there was a blizzard or you had the chicken pox or you had just broken a femur. We played outside. ALL. DAY. LONG. Our neighbor's mothers did not let them play in the house either so I suppose it all worked out for everyone. All the loud, messy kids outside and all the neat, quiet mothers inside doing whatever it was that kept mothers busy all day long in the 70's. I think it was ironing since permanent press had not yet been invented and my mom spent a lot of time with the iron. Boy, have times changed. Last summer I gave my little girls a play ironing board and they used it as a surfboard. Okay, girls, I don't iron much, don't rub it in.
Although I am ecstatic about the permanent press situation, I am less than thrilled with the current state of where kids play. This is on my mind because I just spent two weeks at home with my little darlings while school was out for break. A two week break in the middle of winter? Have some mercy on us poor moms at home. I am a mother of the 70's at heart, I guess, because I don't want my kids inside either. I want them to go outside and play. ALL. DAY. LONG.
Sadly, the reason this bothers me so much is because children do not play outside anymore. They play inside. But, this is where the mothers are and hence, a problem. Now, I know we had more incentive to go outside when I was a kid. For starters, we only had three TV stations in my hometown. Three! And nothing and I mean nothing, was on during the day unless you were a mom and needed to see what happened to Luke and Laura. Secondly, the only video game we had was Atari. You can only play ping pong so long and then you were out the door for some real action. Third, and most important, your friends were outside.
The playdate had not been invented yet so our friends didn't come to our house. We rode our bikes and met at the river, the tree house, or the Circle K. My mom didn't want her own kids in the house messing it up, so why would she invite in the neighbor kids, too. Apparently all the other mothers felt the same way because I lived across the street from the same kids for 10 years and never once saw the inside of their house.
Summers were the best of times for us. Our yards were about an acre each and we played across 5 of them. There were no fences and every yard had a garden that today would be called a sustainable farm; a cornucopia of berries and fruit trees. We would lie in the fragrant summer grass looking up at the billowing clouds and eat fruit. ALL. DAY. LONG. Sweet strawberries, rhubarb so tart your lips would pucker, plump raspberries and little, red crabapples.
Then, we would run through the sage brush where grasshoppers would cling to your legs as you went by. We built forts, rode bikes, played Capture the Flag, and when it got dark, we played Kick the Can. Of course, this is when all that fruit you ate earlier in the day would really come back to haunt you! One dark night as I was running for the can...the can you kick, not the bathroom... I stepped right on a snake. Yes, those were memorable times.
After the game ended we would lie in the grass and look up at the stars and tell stories. Now where I grew up in the mountains of Colorado there were a billion stars. The Milky Way stretched all the way across the sky and the stars were brilliant, sharp and clear. I suppose they are still there but I haven't seen stars like that since I left Colorado. A couple of months ago I was reading an article in Sunset Magazine and the writer was saying that she had never seen the Milky Way. Ah, to me, that is true poverty.
My kids have somehow become indoor kids since we moved here. I beg and plead with them to go outside and play. But, they complain that there is no one outside to play with...never mind that they have 8 siblings to choose from...but aside from those related to you, no one to play with. I wish I could give them the wonder that was my childhood. The time to play without having to always be somewhere, the wide open space with freedom to explore, even the boredom that allowed us to imagine and create our own fun. Times were simpler back then and that is one resolution of mine this year. To become a simpler family that has time for games, stories and stillness. To raise children who also have the time to lie back in the grass eating berries and daydreaming. That is my resolution, to get my kids out of the house and back into the wonder of their own backyard.
Although I am ecstatic about the permanent press situation, I am less than thrilled with the current state of where kids play. This is on my mind because I just spent two weeks at home with my little darlings while school was out for break. A two week break in the middle of winter? Have some mercy on us poor moms at home. I am a mother of the 70's at heart, I guess, because I don't want my kids inside either. I want them to go outside and play. ALL. DAY. LONG.
Sadly, the reason this bothers me so much is because children do not play outside anymore. They play inside. But, this is where the mothers are and hence, a problem. Now, I know we had more incentive to go outside when I was a kid. For starters, we only had three TV stations in my hometown. Three! And nothing and I mean nothing, was on during the day unless you were a mom and needed to see what happened to Luke and Laura. Secondly, the only video game we had was Atari. You can only play ping pong so long and then you were out the door for some real action. Third, and most important, your friends were outside.
The playdate had not been invented yet so our friends didn't come to our house. We rode our bikes and met at the river, the tree house, or the Circle K. My mom didn't want her own kids in the house messing it up, so why would she invite in the neighbor kids, too. Apparently all the other mothers felt the same way because I lived across the street from the same kids for 10 years and never once saw the inside of their house.
Summers were the best of times for us. Our yards were about an acre each and we played across 5 of them. There were no fences and every yard had a garden that today would be called a sustainable farm; a cornucopia of berries and fruit trees. We would lie in the fragrant summer grass looking up at the billowing clouds and eat fruit. ALL. DAY. LONG. Sweet strawberries, rhubarb so tart your lips would pucker, plump raspberries and little, red crabapples.
Then, we would run through the sage brush where grasshoppers would cling to your legs as you went by. We built forts, rode bikes, played Capture the Flag, and when it got dark, we played Kick the Can. Of course, this is when all that fruit you ate earlier in the day would really come back to haunt you! One dark night as I was running for the can...the can you kick, not the bathroom... I stepped right on a snake. Yes, those were memorable times.
After the game ended we would lie in the grass and look up at the stars and tell stories. Now where I grew up in the mountains of Colorado there were a billion stars. The Milky Way stretched all the way across the sky and the stars were brilliant, sharp and clear. I suppose they are still there but I haven't seen stars like that since I left Colorado. A couple of months ago I was reading an article in Sunset Magazine and the writer was saying that she had never seen the Milky Way. Ah, to me, that is true poverty.
My kids have somehow become indoor kids since we moved here. I beg and plead with them to go outside and play. But, they complain that there is no one outside to play with...never mind that they have 8 siblings to choose from...but aside from those related to you, no one to play with. I wish I could give them the wonder that was my childhood. The time to play without having to always be somewhere, the wide open space with freedom to explore, even the boredom that allowed us to imagine and create our own fun. Times were simpler back then and that is one resolution of mine this year. To become a simpler family that has time for games, stories and stillness. To raise children who also have the time to lie back in the grass eating berries and daydreaming. That is my resolution, to get my kids out of the house and back into the wonder of their own backyard.
Christmas
I am an insomniac. Frankly, it keeps my awake at night. To keep myself busy in the long nighttime hours I compose lists. I have to say that I excel at the art of list composing. They are endless. Lists of groceries, lists of chores, lists of writing topics and book ideas, you name it, I got it. I do wish I could accomplish some great work of art in the wee hours of the morning so I would have something to show for all the time I spend awake. Sadly, I can’t sew, paint or sculpt and the book is still stuck in my head. I could clean or cook but those activities seem too loud when the whole house is sleeping. So, instead I compose lists. It is a quiet activity and allows me to use my nice pens and pretty paper. It also gives me something to do without actually doing something, if you know what I mean. There is great potential in my lists.
Christmas gives me endless ‘to do’ list fodder...cards, gifts, cleaning chores, groceries, baking. I practically need special stationary to hold it all. I usually have big plans about finishing all the things on my lists so that I can sit down and quietly enjoy Christmas. In my mind I will finish all the shopping, cooking, decorating and cleaning and then sit down for a week and watch. The experts say we should do less to enjoy it more. But, I’ve realized that it is the doing that puts the joy in my Christmas.
The gifts for my nieces and nephews who will only know me through the gift they receive at Christmas, the cards to faraway friends and family I miss so much that whole pieces of my heart are broken, the things I bake that my children will remember when they are all grown up and Christmas reminds them of what was beautiful about our family, a big family, that laughed and cried, loved and fought, but in the end was always your biggest fan.
Someday my lists will be small and nothing will keep me awake anymore and I will miss every little person who put their handprints all over my heart and hope that they will fondly remember Christmas in our home. That it is the reason for the season, loving one another so much that it keeps us awake at night.
One of my kids favorite things about holidays are cinnamon rolls. There is nothing better than the smell of baking bread when you wake up in the morning. I am assuming since I am the one making them and not actually waking up to the smell. But, I bet it is nice. Mix them up on Christmas Eve, let them rise overnight and pop them in the oven Christmas morning. You will definitely be on the nice list!
Christmas Morning Cinnamon Rolls
Rolls: 1 pkg. active dry yeast
1 cup warm milk
½ cup granulated sugar
1/3 cup margarine, softened
1 tsp. salt
2 eggs
4 cups all purpose flour
Filling: 1 cup brown sugar
1 Tbsp. cinnamon or more if you like
1/3 cup margarine, softened
Syrup 1 cup light brown sugar
¼ cup margarine
2 Tbsp. maple syrup or corn syrup
¼ cup water
1. Dissolve yeast in warm milk (105-110 degrees) in a large bowl. Add in sugar, margarine, salt, eggs, and enough of the flour to make soft dough. Turn onto a floured board. Knead until smooth and elastic adding flour if it gets too sticky. Place in a well greased bowl. Cover and let rise until double in size.
2. Roll the dough on a lightly floured board. Roll it into a rectangle shape approx. 20 x 15 inches and ¼ inch thick.
3. For filling, combine the brown sugar and cinnamon in a bowl. Spread the softened margarine over the surface of the dough and the sprinkle with the cinnamon sugar mixture. If your kids are not wimps, then add walnuts and raisins to this mixture, too!
4. Mix together the syrup over low heat and let cool. Pour into a baking pan.
5. Roll the dough from the long side into a roll. Cut into 1 inch slices and place evenly on top of the syrup mixture in the baking pan. Cover with plastic wrap and put in the refrigerator overnight.
6. In the morning, bake at 375 for 20 minutes. Remove from oven, cool for 5 minutes and then invert onto a serving platter.
Christmas gives me endless ‘to do’ list fodder...cards, gifts, cleaning chores, groceries, baking. I practically need special stationary to hold it all. I usually have big plans about finishing all the things on my lists so that I can sit down and quietly enjoy Christmas. In my mind I will finish all the shopping, cooking, decorating and cleaning and then sit down for a week and watch. The experts say we should do less to enjoy it more. But, I’ve realized that it is the doing that puts the joy in my Christmas.
The gifts for my nieces and nephews who will only know me through the gift they receive at Christmas, the cards to faraway friends and family I miss so much that whole pieces of my heart are broken, the things I bake that my children will remember when they are all grown up and Christmas reminds them of what was beautiful about our family, a big family, that laughed and cried, loved and fought, but in the end was always your biggest fan.
Someday my lists will be small and nothing will keep me awake anymore and I will miss every little person who put their handprints all over my heart and hope that they will fondly remember Christmas in our home. That it is the reason for the season, loving one another so much that it keeps us awake at night.
One of my kids favorite things about holidays are cinnamon rolls. There is nothing better than the smell of baking bread when you wake up in the morning. I am assuming since I am the one making them and not actually waking up to the smell. But, I bet it is nice. Mix them up on Christmas Eve, let them rise overnight and pop them in the oven Christmas morning. You will definitely be on the nice list!
Christmas Morning Cinnamon Rolls
Rolls: 1 pkg. active dry yeast
1 cup warm milk
½ cup granulated sugar
1/3 cup margarine, softened
1 tsp. salt
2 eggs
4 cups all purpose flour
Filling: 1 cup brown sugar
1 Tbsp. cinnamon or more if you like
1/3 cup margarine, softened
Syrup 1 cup light brown sugar
¼ cup margarine
2 Tbsp. maple syrup or corn syrup
¼ cup water
1. Dissolve yeast in warm milk (105-110 degrees) in a large bowl. Add in sugar, margarine, salt, eggs, and enough of the flour to make soft dough. Turn onto a floured board. Knead until smooth and elastic adding flour if it gets too sticky. Place in a well greased bowl. Cover and let rise until double in size.
2. Roll the dough on a lightly floured board. Roll it into a rectangle shape approx. 20 x 15 inches and ¼ inch thick.
3. For filling, combine the brown sugar and cinnamon in a bowl. Spread the softened margarine over the surface of the dough and the sprinkle with the cinnamon sugar mixture. If your kids are not wimps, then add walnuts and raisins to this mixture, too!
4. Mix together the syrup over low heat and let cool. Pour into a baking pan.
5. Roll the dough from the long side into a roll. Cut into 1 inch slices and place evenly on top of the syrup mixture in the baking pan. Cover with plastic wrap and put in the refrigerator overnight.
6. In the morning, bake at 375 for 20 minutes. Remove from oven, cool for 5 minutes and then invert onto a serving platter.
Good Old Days
I have been feeling slightly nostalgic for the good ole days. Remember those? You probably have to be over 40 to remember them at all, but they were some good times. Remember when Saturdays were spent doing chores with your family? You got up in the morning and watched a few Tom and Jerry's and Scooby Doo's while your mom made you pancakes for breakfast. Then, she sent you to clean your room and not just shove things under the bed, but dust and vacuum. Then, you probably got sent to weed the garden, clean the garage, mow the lawn, rake the leaves or at our house, shovel snow.
I grew up in the mountains of Colorado so there was a lot of snow to shovel, feet and feet of snow for months on end. If you were really lucky though, you got the job of knocking icicles off the eaves of the house. This job wasn’t for wimps; you would have to be extremely careful because those babies have been known to kill people. That was the warning my dad would give before handing you the shovel. And to think this was a coveted job at our house!
After a really big snow we could sometimes walk right onto the roof and then we might get to shovel all the snow off so it wouldn't collapse, crush us, and kill us dead in our sleep. No, my dad didn't really say that, not in so many words, but it was understood. Growing up in Colorado had all sorts of risk in the old days. We didn’t wear helmets to ride our bikes. We drank out of the garden hose, rode in the back of the truck, and I don’t think sunscreen was even invented.
Chores in the good ole days were different, too. They required something they don't make anymore. At least I haven't seen it in stores and most kids haven't had the luxury of using it....it is called elbow grease. If you were having trouble completing your job, which was most likely something really tedious like scrubbing the bottom of the boat, it was probably due to the fact that you weren't using the proper amount of elbow grease. Who scrubs the bottom of their boat anyway? Men who grew up in the 1940's and 50's, when they had a lot of elbow grease around.
I usually got to daydreaming a lot while trying to finish cleaning the hubcaps on my dad's car. He had a lot of crazy jobs that could not be done without a healthy application of elbow grease. Whenever I got a little lost in dream world, he would say, "For Pete’s sake, hurry it up! Let's not make a career out of it!" I didn't know who Pete was, but he sure was referenced a lot and no, I did not want to make a career out of cleaning hubcaps or stacking firewood.
Once I sent my four year old son to spend 3 weeks with his grandpa. He learned a lot about chores and elbow grease. I took him shopping with me when he got back and while I was looking at some clothes, he said, "c'mon mom, don't make a career out of it!" Glad to hear that things at the homestead had not changed since I was a kid.
Nowadays, kids don't know what a Saturday is supposed to look like. They don't know what chores are anymore. How are they supposed to grow any character? What is going to put some hair on their chest? Well, in my dad’s house, either cleaning out the fireplace or eating jalapenos. Don’t ask me why having hair on your chest was a good thing, either, I never figured that one out.
Now kids spend Saturdays with a whole lot of adults watching them play. The whole glory of finishing your job right, the first time, so you didn't have to do it again, was so you could go down to the woods or the river without any adults watching you. Can you imagine your mom and dad tagging along to the Capture the Flag game and then chasing you around with a water bottle? No, the best part of Saturday was going to play WITHOUT your parents watching.
Things are all backwards now. It used to be that your parents would go do things with their friends, like go fishing or have a bbq or get together for a picnic and the kids just tagged along and played with whatever other kids were there, too. Now, kids have all the activities and the parents tag along. Not my cup of tea at all.
Last weekend I noticed another interesting phenomenon. When we were kids we learned how to behave and play nice with our siblings and our neighbors. No longer is that the case. Kids now have to learn lessons on how to behave on a soccer field with all their peers and every adult in town watching. I think I would rather be a kid in the old days without all the public humiliation.
Back then if you screwed up in a kickball game, your brothers and friends might yell at you for about 5 seconds and then you would go on playing. Now, you will get a yellow card and 3 coaches and every parent on the opposing team will yell at you until you are removed from the game. I am not making this up; I witnessed it at a U10 game last week. The best part? The adults quit the game! They walked off the field and forfeited because they didn’t like the call by a 14 year old referee. I think I would choose being yelled at by my brothers any day over that.
Although I didn't much like chores when I was a kid, I look back fondly on Saturdays because they were spent with my family. We were learning important things during that time, perseverance, honesty, loyalty, work ethic, and pride in our homes and our families. Our lessons were learned with our siblings and our parents. Then, when we went off to school and later to high school sports, we had already learned how to behave and had a good solid foundation.
I sure do miss those good ole days with my dad as foreman of the job. So, I made up a list of great character building chores for my kids to do this weekend. Who knows they might even want to make a career out of it.
I grew up in the mountains of Colorado so there was a lot of snow to shovel, feet and feet of snow for months on end. If you were really lucky though, you got the job of knocking icicles off the eaves of the house. This job wasn’t for wimps; you would have to be extremely careful because those babies have been known to kill people. That was the warning my dad would give before handing you the shovel. And to think this was a coveted job at our house!
After a really big snow we could sometimes walk right onto the roof and then we might get to shovel all the snow off so it wouldn't collapse, crush us, and kill us dead in our sleep. No, my dad didn't really say that, not in so many words, but it was understood. Growing up in Colorado had all sorts of risk in the old days. We didn’t wear helmets to ride our bikes. We drank out of the garden hose, rode in the back of the truck, and I don’t think sunscreen was even invented.
Chores in the good ole days were different, too. They required something they don't make anymore. At least I haven't seen it in stores and most kids haven't had the luxury of using it....it is called elbow grease. If you were having trouble completing your job, which was most likely something really tedious like scrubbing the bottom of the boat, it was probably due to the fact that you weren't using the proper amount of elbow grease. Who scrubs the bottom of their boat anyway? Men who grew up in the 1940's and 50's, when they had a lot of elbow grease around.
I usually got to daydreaming a lot while trying to finish cleaning the hubcaps on my dad's car. He had a lot of crazy jobs that could not be done without a healthy application of elbow grease. Whenever I got a little lost in dream world, he would say, "For Pete’s sake, hurry it up! Let's not make a career out of it!" I didn't know who Pete was, but he sure was referenced a lot and no, I did not want to make a career out of cleaning hubcaps or stacking firewood.
Once I sent my four year old son to spend 3 weeks with his grandpa. He learned a lot about chores and elbow grease. I took him shopping with me when he got back and while I was looking at some clothes, he said, "c'mon mom, don't make a career out of it!" Glad to hear that things at the homestead had not changed since I was a kid.
Nowadays, kids don't know what a Saturday is supposed to look like. They don't know what chores are anymore. How are they supposed to grow any character? What is going to put some hair on their chest? Well, in my dad’s house, either cleaning out the fireplace or eating jalapenos. Don’t ask me why having hair on your chest was a good thing, either, I never figured that one out.
Now kids spend Saturdays with a whole lot of adults watching them play. The whole glory of finishing your job right, the first time, so you didn't have to do it again, was so you could go down to the woods or the river without any adults watching you. Can you imagine your mom and dad tagging along to the Capture the Flag game and then chasing you around with a water bottle? No, the best part of Saturday was going to play WITHOUT your parents watching.
Things are all backwards now. It used to be that your parents would go do things with their friends, like go fishing or have a bbq or get together for a picnic and the kids just tagged along and played with whatever other kids were there, too. Now, kids have all the activities and the parents tag along. Not my cup of tea at all.
Last weekend I noticed another interesting phenomenon. When we were kids we learned how to behave and play nice with our siblings and our neighbors. No longer is that the case. Kids now have to learn lessons on how to behave on a soccer field with all their peers and every adult in town watching. I think I would rather be a kid in the old days without all the public humiliation.
Back then if you screwed up in a kickball game, your brothers and friends might yell at you for about 5 seconds and then you would go on playing. Now, you will get a yellow card and 3 coaches and every parent on the opposing team will yell at you until you are removed from the game. I am not making this up; I witnessed it at a U10 game last week. The best part? The adults quit the game! They walked off the field and forfeited because they didn’t like the call by a 14 year old referee. I think I would choose being yelled at by my brothers any day over that.
Although I didn't much like chores when I was a kid, I look back fondly on Saturdays because they were spent with my family. We were learning important things during that time, perseverance, honesty, loyalty, work ethic, and pride in our homes and our families. Our lessons were learned with our siblings and our parents. Then, when we went off to school and later to high school sports, we had already learned how to behave and had a good solid foundation.
I sure do miss those good ole days with my dad as foreman of the job. So, I made up a list of great character building chores for my kids to do this weekend. Who knows they might even want to make a career out of it.
Motivation
I am not a native Californian. Shocker, right? My husband was relocated here four years ago to work for AAA in San Francisco. For the ten years prior to that we had lived in Arkansas and North Carolina, the Deep South where cultures and traditions were much different. There were many things to get used when we arrived here. There were things we instantly loved: the ocean, the weather, the beauty of San Francisco. And things we instantly hated: the traffic, the high cost of living, and the ugly houses. But, the most difficult thing for me to get used to as a stay at home mom was the loneliness and isolation.
In the South, someone drops by every day. Your neighbor comes by for a cup of coffee or you sit outside after school with friends while the kids play. You know all of your neighbors and you would not go a day without talking to a friend. I didn't realize how different it was here until someone told me that it was considered rude to just drop in on people....where I come from it would be rude to not offer your guest iced tea and a piece of cake!
So, I have been here four years now and I don't know the names of most of my neighbors, no one ever drops by for coffee and afternoons are spent alone while the kids nap. Weeks and sometimes months go by where I don't speak to another adult besides my husband. The kids will still say they miss playing at our old house where you didn't have to arrange that California thing called the "playdate,” where kids just went outside and played with a whole bunch of other kids anytime they wanted. I miss that, too!
Due to the utter isolation of being home all day with just my little ones, it can be hard to get motivated here. If you know someone is going to be dropping by at any point in the day, you are sure to get your house picked up first thing and make it something you are proud live in. You would also bake a little something just in case the need arose for a little snack with friends.
However, if you are certain that no one will be coming by, not now or frankly, ever, what is the point, right? You can certainly get into a slump where it seems downright pointless since no one is going to see it anyway.
But, there is a point to it all. A clean house is such a nicer place to spend the day. It is a nice place to come home to and everyone is less frazzled when not surrounded by clutter. Not only that, but it is so much healthier for your family to leave in a clean space. Dust mites, those nasty little allergens, love dirty sheets and dusty furniture. No one wants to get sick from their own dirty house!
We all want to live in beautiful, neat, organized spaces, but how do we get it that way? Here are my four steps for getting your house clean and finding motivation to keep it that way.
Recognize-
First, recognize the problem. What are the barriers keeping you from accomplishing all you want to do in a day? Are you just too tired, does it seem like too much to do; are you spending too much time online or watching TV? Recognize what is hindering you from getting motivated and tackling your to do list and write it down. For instance, "the thing keeping me from cleaning house and keeping it clean is spending too much time on the computer each day."
Now that you have recognized the problem, arrive at a solution, such as, "I will only read blogs and chat online for 1 hour each day. Or, "I will go to bed one hour earlier in order to be more rested each day." Write your solution down in a notebook or journal and stick to it.
Visualize-
Next, visualize what your house would look like clean and organized. How would it feel to sit in a room that is neat and peaceful? Take a stack of magazines and cut out pictures that will help motivate you. I like Better Homes and Gardens and Southern Living for house and garden ideas. Paste pictures of rooms that would appeal to you and ideas that you would like to copy and paste them into your journal. I call this my idea book.
Conceptualize-
Third, conceptualize. In your journal write down the steps it will take to get from where you are now to where you want to be. Do this for each room in your house. Do not put anything on your list that cannot be accomplished by you. For instance, if building new cabinets is beyond your expertise or budget, then don't write it down. Only write down steps that can actually be taken to get your house in order. Only include things that you actually have in your home or can afford to purchase. You can always move shelves, rugs, artwork, and furniture from room to room for a fresh look.
Prioritize the work so you start with the room that would make the most difference to you. The room you would like to sit in and read, knit, watch TV, etc.
Energize-
Finally, put on some good music, gather your supplies and get to work. Start in one room and set a time limit. Do not get bogged down in going through everything, just get busy cleaning it up. Save the boxes of things that you need to go through until after you are finished reclaiming your home.
Make it a goal to finish a nice space for you...a refuge spot. When it is clean fill a basket with some inspirational reading, a journal, a design book, and a pen. Now you have one beautiful space that belongs to you.
Focus on keeping that area clean and neat for yourself. This is your quiet place to think. Once you have one space you love, you will be motivated to get more areas looking this great.
Tomorrow add another room. As your house gets clean and organized you will find your spirits lifting and feel a little more inspired to keep it clean. It is depressing to live in clutter where you can’t find anything you need. As added motivation, reward yourself as each room gets done. New towels in the bathroom, new candles in the living room, some flowers in the kitchen.
Before you know it your house will be ready for company. Call me; I am always up for a drop in!
In the South, someone drops by every day. Your neighbor comes by for a cup of coffee or you sit outside after school with friends while the kids play. You know all of your neighbors and you would not go a day without talking to a friend. I didn't realize how different it was here until someone told me that it was considered rude to just drop in on people....where I come from it would be rude to not offer your guest iced tea and a piece of cake!
So, I have been here four years now and I don't know the names of most of my neighbors, no one ever drops by for coffee and afternoons are spent alone while the kids nap. Weeks and sometimes months go by where I don't speak to another adult besides my husband. The kids will still say they miss playing at our old house where you didn't have to arrange that California thing called the "playdate,” where kids just went outside and played with a whole bunch of other kids anytime they wanted. I miss that, too!
Due to the utter isolation of being home all day with just my little ones, it can be hard to get motivated here. If you know someone is going to be dropping by at any point in the day, you are sure to get your house picked up first thing and make it something you are proud live in. You would also bake a little something just in case the need arose for a little snack with friends.
However, if you are certain that no one will be coming by, not now or frankly, ever, what is the point, right? You can certainly get into a slump where it seems downright pointless since no one is going to see it anyway.
But, there is a point to it all. A clean house is such a nicer place to spend the day. It is a nice place to come home to and everyone is less frazzled when not surrounded by clutter. Not only that, but it is so much healthier for your family to leave in a clean space. Dust mites, those nasty little allergens, love dirty sheets and dusty furniture. No one wants to get sick from their own dirty house!
We all want to live in beautiful, neat, organized spaces, but how do we get it that way? Here are my four steps for getting your house clean and finding motivation to keep it that way.
Recognize-
First, recognize the problem. What are the barriers keeping you from accomplishing all you want to do in a day? Are you just too tired, does it seem like too much to do; are you spending too much time online or watching TV? Recognize what is hindering you from getting motivated and tackling your to do list and write it down. For instance, "the thing keeping me from cleaning house and keeping it clean is spending too much time on the computer each day."
Now that you have recognized the problem, arrive at a solution, such as, "I will only read blogs and chat online for 1 hour each day. Or, "I will go to bed one hour earlier in order to be more rested each day." Write your solution down in a notebook or journal and stick to it.
Visualize-
Next, visualize what your house would look like clean and organized. How would it feel to sit in a room that is neat and peaceful? Take a stack of magazines and cut out pictures that will help motivate you. I like Better Homes and Gardens and Southern Living for house and garden ideas. Paste pictures of rooms that would appeal to you and ideas that you would like to copy and paste them into your journal. I call this my idea book.
Conceptualize-
Third, conceptualize. In your journal write down the steps it will take to get from where you are now to where you want to be. Do this for each room in your house. Do not put anything on your list that cannot be accomplished by you. For instance, if building new cabinets is beyond your expertise or budget, then don't write it down. Only write down steps that can actually be taken to get your house in order. Only include things that you actually have in your home or can afford to purchase. You can always move shelves, rugs, artwork, and furniture from room to room for a fresh look.
Prioritize the work so you start with the room that would make the most difference to you. The room you would like to sit in and read, knit, watch TV, etc.
Energize-
Finally, put on some good music, gather your supplies and get to work. Start in one room and set a time limit. Do not get bogged down in going through everything, just get busy cleaning it up. Save the boxes of things that you need to go through until after you are finished reclaiming your home.
Make it a goal to finish a nice space for you...a refuge spot. When it is clean fill a basket with some inspirational reading, a journal, a design book, and a pen. Now you have one beautiful space that belongs to you.
Focus on keeping that area clean and neat for yourself. This is your quiet place to think. Once you have one space you love, you will be motivated to get more areas looking this great.
Tomorrow add another room. As your house gets clean and organized you will find your spirits lifting and feel a little more inspired to keep it clean. It is depressing to live in clutter where you can’t find anything you need. As added motivation, reward yourself as each room gets done. New towels in the bathroom, new candles in the living room, some flowers in the kitchen.
Before you know it your house will be ready for company. Call me; I am always up for a drop in!
Broken Window Theory
Summer is officially over and school is back in session. Many mothers are breathing a sigh of relief as they begin to assess the damage done to them and their homes by summer. While I personally came through the summer physically unscathed, my poor house was not as fortunate. Stores of food were depleted, swimsuits and beach towels are still wreaking havoc around my laundry room, outdoor toys scattered about the yard and many have been reduced to tiny bits of plastic by the dog, and there is a giant, kidney shaped stain on my (new?) carpet where someone (who shall remain nameless) dumped an entire Costco size salad dressing on the floor. Yes, Italian to those mindful moms who know the difference. And a broken window.
Maybe because I have 4 times the average number of children, I am going to have 4 times the average number of broken windows? Why does a stray baseball invariably go for the biggest window in the house……twice? It was broken twice this summer by two different wayward pitchers. This leads me to ask the pointless question of why we thought pitching a baseball toward the house was a good idea. But, these are boys and, of course, when asked this question I am given a blank stare that tells me that there was no thinking involved at all.
After the second “incident, I began to notice a disturbing trend. It is always disturbing when theories that apply to the POLICE department also apply to your home. There is a theory in police work called the broken window theory. This theory suggests that when a neighborhood is in disorder with rubble, graffiti and broken windows it sends the message to the criminal element that there is no one in charge. The implication is that the community is weak and not policed and it invites further criminal activity. This theory proposes that police departments can prevent crime by stopping graffiti and vandalism and cleaning it up immediately. That is the reasoning behind painting over graffiti as soon as possible.
Soon after the big living room window is broken, I began to notice something alarming among the people in my house. By people, I am referring to children, although I use the term people loosely. Suddenly Popsicle wrappers are left on the ground, toys lay where they are dropped; shoes began to pile up at the door. That is 18 shoes at the front door on any given moment in the summer and you have to stumble over all of those to get into the house. Annoying. Then, I noticed if someone left a dish on the counter, an hour later there would be 10 dishes on the counter. If someone spilled Kool-Aid, the rest of the “children” were less likely to be careful since it was sticky when they got there. No one could pinpoint the original offender.
The broken window theory began to happen in my house. If one kid acted in a criminal fashion, several followed. If one was committing some act of vandalism on my housekeeping, many more acts occurred. They were getting bold, too, not waiting for darkness to fall but committing their atrocious acts in broad daylight in front of preschoolers! It was time to enforce my own version of a police state. Believe me moms version can make the most hardened criminal beg for mercy, it can make a grown man cry.
A family meeting was called and the kids were introduced to my new theory. They didn’t like it. Let me amend that. They thought the theory sounded cool but did not care for the ramifications. Everyone wanted to be the criminal and no one wanted to be the police. Who raised these little anarchistic creatures? Police were what I needed!
We had to stop our family neighborhood from falling into decline. What we needed were tattle tales, finks, snitches, kids who would sing like a canary under questioning. Luckily, we have a lot of littles and what littles do best is tattle. Even the baby can say “so and so DID IT” Ha! There is nothing the police love more than a good informant! Unlike the real police however, I was not going to clean up the vandalism, the perpetrator was! It was genius!
So, we set up some new community ordinances. No dishes on the counter, no food left out, no shoes at the front of the door, toys put away after use, no wet towels on the floor and we stationed our informants. Oh yes, these lawless children tried to commit their crimes against my housekeeping but they were stopped in their tracks and sent back to the scene of the crime. It was not easy keeping up with them, but raising children is not for sissies. They cleaned and they scrubbed. It took Mr. Salad Dressing an entire DAY to clean my carpet to its original glory. He doesn’t even eat salad dressing anymore much less throw it around with abandon.
It was exhausting keeping up my new laws. I couldn’t let down my guard for a minute. But, they learned as children are apt to do. I haven’t seen any pitches heading toward the house lately and the floor is not as sticky as it was. When one of the kids had to spend a long time cleaning something and making it right, they were very watchful over who messed it up. They began to understand how disheartening it is to watch all your work be undone by disrespect. I hope they will see that in the real world, too, and try always to respect others works and deeds.
The police are right on about their theory. Although, I think they could learn something from me about the importance of informants, I even have a toddler they can borrow!
Maybe because I have 4 times the average number of children, I am going to have 4 times the average number of broken windows? Why does a stray baseball invariably go for the biggest window in the house……twice? It was broken twice this summer by two different wayward pitchers. This leads me to ask the pointless question of why we thought pitching a baseball toward the house was a good idea. But, these are boys and, of course, when asked this question I am given a blank stare that tells me that there was no thinking involved at all.
After the second “incident, I began to notice a disturbing trend. It is always disturbing when theories that apply to the POLICE department also apply to your home. There is a theory in police work called the broken window theory. This theory suggests that when a neighborhood is in disorder with rubble, graffiti and broken windows it sends the message to the criminal element that there is no one in charge. The implication is that the community is weak and not policed and it invites further criminal activity. This theory proposes that police departments can prevent crime by stopping graffiti and vandalism and cleaning it up immediately. That is the reasoning behind painting over graffiti as soon as possible.
Soon after the big living room window is broken, I began to notice something alarming among the people in my house. By people, I am referring to children, although I use the term people loosely. Suddenly Popsicle wrappers are left on the ground, toys lay where they are dropped; shoes began to pile up at the door. That is 18 shoes at the front door on any given moment in the summer and you have to stumble over all of those to get into the house. Annoying. Then, I noticed if someone left a dish on the counter, an hour later there would be 10 dishes on the counter. If someone spilled Kool-Aid, the rest of the “children” were less likely to be careful since it was sticky when they got there. No one could pinpoint the original offender.
The broken window theory began to happen in my house. If one kid acted in a criminal fashion, several followed. If one was committing some act of vandalism on my housekeeping, many more acts occurred. They were getting bold, too, not waiting for darkness to fall but committing their atrocious acts in broad daylight in front of preschoolers! It was time to enforce my own version of a police state. Believe me moms version can make the most hardened criminal beg for mercy, it can make a grown man cry.
A family meeting was called and the kids were introduced to my new theory. They didn’t like it. Let me amend that. They thought the theory sounded cool but did not care for the ramifications. Everyone wanted to be the criminal and no one wanted to be the police. Who raised these little anarchistic creatures? Police were what I needed!
We had to stop our family neighborhood from falling into decline. What we needed were tattle tales, finks, snitches, kids who would sing like a canary under questioning. Luckily, we have a lot of littles and what littles do best is tattle. Even the baby can say “so and so DID IT” Ha! There is nothing the police love more than a good informant! Unlike the real police however, I was not going to clean up the vandalism, the perpetrator was! It was genius!
So, we set up some new community ordinances. No dishes on the counter, no food left out, no shoes at the front of the door, toys put away after use, no wet towels on the floor and we stationed our informants. Oh yes, these lawless children tried to commit their crimes against my housekeeping but they were stopped in their tracks and sent back to the scene of the crime. It was not easy keeping up with them, but raising children is not for sissies. They cleaned and they scrubbed. It took Mr. Salad Dressing an entire DAY to clean my carpet to its original glory. He doesn’t even eat salad dressing anymore much less throw it around with abandon.
It was exhausting keeping up my new laws. I couldn’t let down my guard for a minute. But, they learned as children are apt to do. I haven’t seen any pitches heading toward the house lately and the floor is not as sticky as it was. When one of the kids had to spend a long time cleaning something and making it right, they were very watchful over who messed it up. They began to understand how disheartening it is to watch all your work be undone by disrespect. I hope they will see that in the real world, too, and try always to respect others works and deeds.
The police are right on about their theory. Although, I think they could learn something from me about the importance of informants, I even have a toddler they can borrow!
Dog Days of Summer
On a lazy summer afternoon, my two middle boys took their fishing poles and headed to the pond in the open space. These are my two nature loving boys who would rather be fishing, catching frogs, and building forts than inside watching TV or playing video games. The freedom of long days with no school to interrupt their adventures is the thing they most love about summer. And I love hearing all about it when they come in sweaty and happy to tell me about their fun.
On this particular day, they were peacefully fishing and enjoying the quiet around the pond. Suddenly, they were interrupted by two big Golden Retrievers barreling through the reeds and a woman who apparently belonged to them. She walked up to the pond and told the boys that they would have to move along now because her dogs like to swim in this pond. The boys were confused by her order, but because it was an adult, albeit a crazy one, they acquiesced. One boy says to the other, “Let’s go on the other side.” To which the rude woman replies, “No, my dogs like to swim in the whole pond.” Bummer, peaceful fishing day ruined so that two dogs can frolic in the taxpayer maintained open space at the expense of two crestfallen boys who just spent their entire allowance on night crawlers.
The boys come home and as I pour the lemonade they tell me what happened and now I know that I have heard it all. The dog days of summer haven’t even arrived yet! There are very few children playing outside at all anymore, the fun of roaming around outside all day has been replaced by the “playdate.” But, that is another column for another day. What is going on when we tell children to go inside and stop playing so that the dogs can have the run of the outside? When did dogs become more important than human beings?
I am thinking this is the same woman whose dogs accosted me in the open space a few months ago. They were off the leash and ran toward my leashed dog and attacked, biting my leg in the process. She was not in the best shape and had no control over her dogs and had the nerve to tell me to leave the open space because dogs are off the leash there. I thought we had something called a leash law, but apparently that only applies to certain nonspecial people. I call these people relativists as opposed to absolutists. Absolutists believe the rules apply to all the people, all the time as a common denominator of society. Relativists believe the rules apply to the OTHER people…not to them because they and the horse the rode in on, are special.
My boys have a dog of their own so they recognize that a dog is man’s best friend, but they were a bit outspoken about how a couple of dogs had taken away their summer fun. Well, I have since learned that there are more dogs in San Francisco than children and while you might think that is due to lack of money, think again. San Francisco boasts some of the highest per capita spending on luxury items, spas, and therapy. So, it is not money that is the problem, but interest. People are far more interested in having a pet that makes them feel good than the work and worry that comes from raising a child.
In 2008, 45 billion dollars were spent on pet care. That is more than the gross national product of 132 countries in the world. The recession has barely made a dent in the sales of pet goods. For some reason, people are willing to fork out the cash for pets that they are not willing to spend on having children. Think about this, it would cost the same to send my dog to daycare as it would to send my newborn, human infant!
Lately, I see dogs everywhere, much more than I see babies. There are doggie daycares, doggie bakeries, and doggie spas. I see dogs in the grocery store, for crying out loud. Doesn’t that violate some sort of health codes? I have seen dogs riding in the shopping carts at Safeway. When we moved into our house I mistakenly thought there was a baby across the street due to the stroller on the porch…no, it belongs to the dog! The parks and schools all have signs posted “No Dogs Allowed” but somehow that doesn’t apply to all the dogs. Every time I go to a baseball or soccer game there are dogs there. Some dogs in town are special and thus granted a go to the park free pass?
We were in the city one day going to eat lunch in North Beach. Outside of a restaurant a women was using a napkin to clean up a very messy doggie accident. I guarantee you if I let my toddler run around the city diaperless and have accidents in front of a business and then smear it around with a napkin, someone would call the authorities. But, sadly, the dog people got all the free passes. I am assuming that this is the reason people are having dogs, not children. You can let your dog get away with a lot of things that people would have little tolerance for in children. You only have to train dogs once to follow basic commands and they don’t need constant guidance and direction, just a pat on the head and a walk now and then. They aren’t going to ask for the car or a college education and they don’t outlive you.
Generation K9 with its human names, human clothes and human rights will never contribute to social security or hold a job. They will never help support an aging population. Someday we are going to miss the children who were replaced by dogs; we will also miss their tax dollars. When we choose to let dogs play instead of kids and spend billions of dollars on pets instead of people, we are saying about what we value? John Kennedy once said that “children are the world’s most valuable resource and its best hope for the future.” It seems to me that the future is going to the dogs.
On this particular day, they were peacefully fishing and enjoying the quiet around the pond. Suddenly, they were interrupted by two big Golden Retrievers barreling through the reeds and a woman who apparently belonged to them. She walked up to the pond and told the boys that they would have to move along now because her dogs like to swim in this pond. The boys were confused by her order, but because it was an adult, albeit a crazy one, they acquiesced. One boy says to the other, “Let’s go on the other side.” To which the rude woman replies, “No, my dogs like to swim in the whole pond.” Bummer, peaceful fishing day ruined so that two dogs can frolic in the taxpayer maintained open space at the expense of two crestfallen boys who just spent their entire allowance on night crawlers.
The boys come home and as I pour the lemonade they tell me what happened and now I know that I have heard it all. The dog days of summer haven’t even arrived yet! There are very few children playing outside at all anymore, the fun of roaming around outside all day has been replaced by the “playdate.” But, that is another column for another day. What is going on when we tell children to go inside and stop playing so that the dogs can have the run of the outside? When did dogs become more important than human beings?
I am thinking this is the same woman whose dogs accosted me in the open space a few months ago. They were off the leash and ran toward my leashed dog and attacked, biting my leg in the process. She was not in the best shape and had no control over her dogs and had the nerve to tell me to leave the open space because dogs are off the leash there. I thought we had something called a leash law, but apparently that only applies to certain nonspecial people. I call these people relativists as opposed to absolutists. Absolutists believe the rules apply to all the people, all the time as a common denominator of society. Relativists believe the rules apply to the OTHER people…not to them because they and the horse the rode in on, are special.
My boys have a dog of their own so they recognize that a dog is man’s best friend, but they were a bit outspoken about how a couple of dogs had taken away their summer fun. Well, I have since learned that there are more dogs in San Francisco than children and while you might think that is due to lack of money, think again. San Francisco boasts some of the highest per capita spending on luxury items, spas, and therapy. So, it is not money that is the problem, but interest. People are far more interested in having a pet that makes them feel good than the work and worry that comes from raising a child.
In 2008, 45 billion dollars were spent on pet care. That is more than the gross national product of 132 countries in the world. The recession has barely made a dent in the sales of pet goods. For some reason, people are willing to fork out the cash for pets that they are not willing to spend on having children. Think about this, it would cost the same to send my dog to daycare as it would to send my newborn, human infant!
Lately, I see dogs everywhere, much more than I see babies. There are doggie daycares, doggie bakeries, and doggie spas. I see dogs in the grocery store, for crying out loud. Doesn’t that violate some sort of health codes? I have seen dogs riding in the shopping carts at Safeway. When we moved into our house I mistakenly thought there was a baby across the street due to the stroller on the porch…no, it belongs to the dog! The parks and schools all have signs posted “No Dogs Allowed” but somehow that doesn’t apply to all the dogs. Every time I go to a baseball or soccer game there are dogs there. Some dogs in town are special and thus granted a go to the park free pass?
We were in the city one day going to eat lunch in North Beach. Outside of a restaurant a women was using a napkin to clean up a very messy doggie accident. I guarantee you if I let my toddler run around the city diaperless and have accidents in front of a business and then smear it around with a napkin, someone would call the authorities. But, sadly, the dog people got all the free passes. I am assuming that this is the reason people are having dogs, not children. You can let your dog get away with a lot of things that people would have little tolerance for in children. You only have to train dogs once to follow basic commands and they don’t need constant guidance and direction, just a pat on the head and a walk now and then. They aren’t going to ask for the car or a college education and they don’t outlive you.
Generation K9 with its human names, human clothes and human rights will never contribute to social security or hold a job. They will never help support an aging population. Someday we are going to miss the children who were replaced by dogs; we will also miss their tax dollars. When we choose to let dogs play instead of kids and spend billions of dollars on pets instead of people, we are saying about what we value? John Kennedy once said that “children are the world’s most valuable resource and its best hope for the future.” It seems to me that the future is going to the dogs.
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